Billy and Mandy Get Goosebumps
by Neon Genesis Guyver III
Summary: Billy and Mandy encounter creatures from R.L. Stein’s famous novella series and handle it with their usual manner of dealing with such things.


**Billy and Mandy get…**

**GOOSEBUMPS**

A surprisingly obvious crossover

Basic premise: Billy and Mandy encounter creatures from R.L. Stein's famous novella series and handle it with their usual manner of dealing with such things.

Disclaimer: I own neither Billy and Mandy or Goosebumps.

* * *

All black background. Mandy walks into view. She looks towards the audience.

"Readers beware. You're in for a scare."

She walks out of view.

* * *

Book 1

Night of the Living Billy

A man in a black coat and broad-rimmed hat walked up a grassy hill. He carried a suitcase in his right hand with the name "R.L. Stein" printed on it. Unexpectedly the case opened and its contents, several papers, flew out in the wind. Without explanation, some of these papers formed into a shadowy green capital G. The G floated down the hill to the town below, the town of Endsville.

It passes by a billboard sign with a beautiful woman on it. Afterward, the woman in the sign became old and wrinkled. The G passed in front of a Saliva, and the little pug's eyes started glowing, right before it barfed up a hairball. The G ran along the walk to door of a house.

A creepy voice from nowhere began to say, _"Viewer Bewaaare! You're in for a…"_

Suddenly the door slammed open, crushing the G against a wall.

"_OUCH!"_

Billy ran out of his house screaming, "ByeMombyeDadbyeGrim! I'mgoingtothetoystoreberightback!"

Grim appeared in the doorway after Billy left. "Dagnabbit boy!" he shouted. "Close the door when you leave the house! And don't take too long, Ah don't want to have ta leave my soaps to come and find you!"

Grim closed the door. The G slithered down the wall and groaned in pain.

* * *

Billy walked up to the cheery looking toy store and walked right in. He was summarily kicked out two seconds later.

"But how was I supposed to know it wasn't a real potty?" he exclaimed.

I'm sure we don't want to know.

Discouraged, Billy walked down the street with his hands in his pockets. "Now how am I gonna get a present for Mandy's birthday?"

Then he noticed another toy store down the street. This one was old and worn down and had a faded sign that said "Toys, real cheep." The h looked like red paint had been used to change it from something else.

Happy that he had found an alternative, Billy ran into the store. The store was dusty and filled with cobwebs. Billy ignored this and skipped happily to the front desk. As soon as he got there, a creepy old man with liver spots and a bald head popped up from behind it.

"Hello," he said as he saw Billy. "Welcome, to my toy store." He gave a few wheezy laughs. "How may I help you."

"My best friend's birthday is tomorrow and I have to get her a really awesome gift or she'll tear my head off," he replied joyfully.

"Oh, I see," said the old man, grinning. He reached under his desk and pulled out a little lace covered girl doll. "How about this doll?" he asked. "It talks, pops up in all kinds of places. Just don't leave it near the stairs." (Name that reference!)

"Nah, I got her a doll like that last year," replied Billy. "It could be heard a mile away screaming in terror."

"Ah, I see," said the shopkeeper as he put it away. "Maybe, if you could describe her for me, it would help me pick the most perfect toy for her."

"Welllllllllll, she's…cynicalmaniacalcontrollingharshdemonicgothysinisterunruly…" he took in a breath, "…pureevilinallwaysimaginablekindacuteand scary beyond all reason!"

"Oh," replied the man. "Well then, I think I have the perfect toy for her." He pulled out a large black case. The case hand the word "SLAPPY" on it in bold letters. He opened it and pulled out a wood mannequin. It had brown-painted hair and wore a black suit. "What do you think?"

"AHHHHHHH!" Billy screamed in terror. "It's Pino-ki-ca-bah-blah! He's gonna eat my flesh!"

"Oh no, my dear boy," the old man said calmly. "I assure you old Slappy here would never eat you. He's just a ventriloquist's dummy… and ONLY a ventriloquist's dummy. And I'm sure your little friend will just love him. After all, he too is scary beyond all reason to most folks."

"Reeeeeally?" said Billy with a grin. "I'll take it!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a few coins and some lint, and also what looked like curdled milk chunks. "Dyuhhh, how much for the ventripnotist's dummy?"

"Well…" replied the old man. "Since it is a gift for a dear friend, I'll just let you take him for free. Friendship is the best currency of all." He placed Slappy back in his case and handed it to Billy.

"Gee, tanks mister!" said Billy. "See ya around!" He then made to leave the store.

"Eh, goodbye sonny," he said back. "Give your friend my best." As soon as Billy left, the man's eyebrows furrowed and his grin got much wider. "Sucker."

* * *

The next day at Mandy's house

All of the kids who are usually associated with Mandy were present at her party. It looked like a standard birthday party, complete with cake and streamers and balloons of all colors. The major standout was Mandy, who wore a black birthday dress for the occasion and was situated on a hellish throne that Grim had pulled out of his truck. She did not participate in any activities, but demanded everyone else did.

Irwin was playing pin the tail on the donkey. In his blindfolded state, he bumbled around until he stuck something. "Did I win?" he asked, pulling up his blindfold.

"I don't know," replied Grim. "Does my bony butt look like a poorly drawn poster of a mule to you?"

Indeed, Irwin had stuck Grim with the pin. "Oops," he said. "Sorry Grim."

"I hope she doesn't decide to celebrate EVERY birthday like this," said Grim bitterly.

Mandy snapped her fingers. "Attention everyone," she said. "I shall now except your pathetic offerings of false affection as tribute. If you fail to please me with your gift, you will suffer greatly."

Everyone quickly lined up with his or her gift. First was Pud'n. He handed her a small box. Mandy quickly opened it to find a tiny stuffed bunny inside.

"Another bunny Pud'n?" she asked the boy.

"I know you hate it Mandy," said Pud'n. "But I'm borderline manic depressive anyway so I don't care if I suffer. Happy birthday!" He walked off.

Mandy just tossed the gift over her shoulder. "He's not worth it. Next!"

Irwin came up next. He handed her an envelope which she took and ripped open. She read over the contents of the letter very carefully.

"You're selling me your soul?" she asked with interest.

"Yep," replied Irwin. "It's not very big since I'm half mummy and ¼ vampire and therefore ¾ soulless, but it's the thought that counts."

Mandy pondered this. "Well I'm sure it'll come in handy sometime. My compliments for the thoughtful and highly exploitable gift. Now get lost dweeb!"

Irwin just smiled happily. "She thanked me for my gift."

"Next!"

Grim walked up and presented her with his gift, a battleaxe with a bow tied around the handle.

"An axe," Mandy stated. "A fine addition to my weapons collection. You may go."

Grim just grumbled as he walked off. "Hope you cut yourself, little…"

More gifts came. Magma from the Earth's core from Junior, a slightly used mouthpiece from Spurg, a mile long list of ways to improve her ugliness from Mindy (Which Mandy used to tie her to a chair and gag her). Finally came Billy's turn. He presented the poorly wrapped case to Mandy, who removed the wrapping and looked inside.

"I hope you like it," replied Billy. "The creepy guy who sold it to me said you would."

She pulled out the dummy. The instant she held it, Mandy seemed to feel a kind of dark aura from it. She messed around with the face a little bit making the dummy scowl most evilly.

After looking over, she turned to Billy and said, "Congratulations Billy. This may be the only really good present I've ever received in all my years of existence. Thank you."

"Really?!" Billy said excitedly. He began to victory dance. "Yeah! I got the best one. I am the greatest! All y'all are losers!" He continued to gloat.

Grim slinked up to Mandy and looked at the Dummy. "You really like dis ting?"

"Sure," said Mandy. "People have a distinct fear of lifelike inanimate objects like this. It's a perfect match for me, menacing on the outside…" she tapped its wooden head, "…hollow on the inside."

"I thought Billy was hollow on the inside," said Grim as he watched the idiot boy dance. He then looked again the dummy. There was something oddly familiar about it.

Mandy spoke up. "We shall now proceed to cake."

"Wait Mandy," said her Mom. "Don't you want our present?"

Mandy looked suspiciously at her parents as they presented her with her gift. She opened it and didn't act a bit surprised at what she found, a silver crucifix. She sighed. "Here we go again."

Quickly, her dad reached in the box, pulled out the cross and began chanting, "The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!"

"Knock it off Dad," Mandy replied. "You know I'm an atheist." With that she walked to her cake.

Her dad looked at his wife and said, "Well, there's always next year." He tossed the Cross in a waste basket.

Carrying Slappy, Mandy didn't notice a piece of paper fall from the dummy's jacket. Billy however had noticed and picked it up.

"Hmm," he said. "What's this?" He began to read it. "Ka-rru ma-rri o-don-na l-oma mol-on-u kar-rano?" Surprisingly, he actually managed to pronounce it right. Not knowing the meaning, Billy simply pocketed the card and ignored it.

Mandy stopped in her steps and looked around her. She could swear she had heard someone chuckling in a deep voice. She looked about but didn't see anyone close enough for her to hear them chuckling so quietly. She shrugged it off and went for cake. She didn't notice Slappy's eyes were now looking right at her.

The cake was cut and everyone had a piece. Mindy groaned in the background that in her bound up state she was denied her rightful piece of cake. Mandy set down Slappy and ate the chocolate cake. After chewing and swallowing her first bite, Mandy tried for another, but found her piece missing. She looked at the plate and wondered where it had gone to.

"Ah!"

Mandy looked up from her plate and saw her cake plastered on Grim's face.

"Who threw dat?!" Grim demanded. He looked and saw that, aside from Billy who had likely taken his piece down in one gulp, only Mandy had no cake on her plate. "Mandy! I know it's your birthday and all, but can't you at least hit Irwin or one of these other nameless extras that no one cares about?"

"I didn't throw it!" Mandy stated, as if daring anyone to deny her.

"Now Mandy," said her father. "I know you're the lord and master of this house, but that doesn't give you the right to lie young lady."

Mandy gave her father a look that, if they could do so, would have killed him and everyone on his side of the family. "What was that?!"

Her dad flinched. "Nothing…" he squeeked.

Mandy sighed in frustration. To think anyone would accuse her of lying, it made her wish she had the nuclear launch codes. She then began to wonder who did throw the cake. Who would have the guts to try to make her look bad? Mindy was out as she was still choking on her own list. And no one else here would dare. She picked up her new toy. As she did, she noticed frosting on his hand.

She looked at the wooden creature skeptically. She then shrugged it off and made to get more cake.

* * *

Later that night, Mandy lay snoring in her bed. Her party had been as lame as she had expected and she went to sleep satisfied with that fact. She was awoken in the dark of night by footsteps. She rubbed her eyes and looked about her room. She didn't notice anything out of sorts except… the case.

Mandy walked to the case to make sure. Sure enough, it was open. "Weird," she said. "I could swear I shut this." She looked inside. The dummy was gone. "What the…?"

"YAHHHH!!"

Mandy recognized her father's screaming from down the hall. She went to her parents' room. She went in to find her father holding his foot in pain. The appendage was covered in thumbtacks. More tacks were layered on the floor.

Her father saw her and screeched like a girl. "I-I'm sorry sweetie!" He groveled. "I-I'm sorry about calling you a liar."

Mandy just glared at him. She didn't feel like explaining to him that she didn't do it. However, someone was definitely stealing her thunder. She looked around the room but saw nothing else out of place.

Mandy returned to her room without a word. When she got there, she was surprised to find Slappy sitting in front of his case with an empty thumbtack box in his hand.

* * *

The next day…

Mandy sat in her desk at school with a disinterested look on her face. Billy was sitting next to her, flicking boogers with a pencil. One landed on the blackboard where Miss Butterbean was writing.

The teacher sighed. "Why can't I just die? Okay class," she said, turning around, "since I don't have the mental endurance to teach anymore, let's just skip to show and tell. Mandy…"

Being volunteered, Mandy got out of her seat. She had brought the dummy case with her and dragged it up front. She pulled out Slappy and held him up.

"Today class, I've brought my new friend Slappy. Say hi Slappy."

"Hi idiots," Mandy made him say in a high squeaky tone.

Everyone groaned awkwardly, except Billy who clapped like mad and whooped.

"So Slappy," continued Mandy with her faking tone. "Watch any good TV lately?"

"Yep," He "replied". "I watched this really freaky cosmetic surgery show."

"Really?" Mandy said. "What was it called?"

"Antique Table Repair!" Da-da-chang!

The room remained totally silent, except Billy, who laughed his head off. He laughed loud and hard until tears came out. Then he slowly calmed down and said, "I don't get it."

"Thank you," Mandy said sarcastically. "Thank-you, you've been a great audience." She went back to her seat.

"Very nice Mandy," Miss Butterbean said blandly. "Anyone else?"

No one answered.

"Fine, you can all go now."

"But, Miss Butterbean," said Irwin. "Class isn't over for another hour."

"JUST GO!!"

Everyone just walked out quickly. Miss Butterbean left and walked to the bathroom for unknown reasons.

As they walked, Mandy realized she had left Slappy's case in the classroom. She went back for it. When she got there she was amazed at what she saw. The whole class was completely wrecked, desks turned over, water veins busted and broken windows. On the board was written, "That Joke Sucked!" in crooked letters.

She went inside. She looked about and saw Slappy sitting under the board. She went up to him and saw a piece of chalk in his hand. "Thought so…" she said calmly.

"MANDY!"

She turned to the door and saw Miss Butterbean in the doorway. Naturally, the teacher was quite aghast at the condition of her classroom. She looked right at the little blond with quite a lot of rage.

"How dare you deface my class like this?!" she demanded. "Just because no one liked your stupid joke does not give you the right to attack school property. You're walking straight to detention!!"

Mandy didn't argue or say a word. She gave her teacher a scornful look, then shut her dummy in his case and walked to the detention room. After all, what was the point in saying she didn't do it if no one would believe her anyway?

* * *

After an hour of enduring Spurg's practicing of "Buttercup Dancer" Mandy was allowed to walk home. She walked inside her house, ignoring her mother's inquiries as to where she was. She walked up to her room, kicked the door in and tossed the dummy case at her bed.

Mandy pulled Slappy out of his case and placed him in a chair for her tea parties. She then sat in the chair across from him. She stared at the wooden figure intently. She sat unblinking, just staring at it. It didn't seem to move. This session went on for at least a minute.

"RAAAH!"

Mandy didn't move an inch when the dummy lurched forward and shouted in her face.

Slappy chuckled. "Didn't even blink," he said in a deep and raspy voice. He sat back down casually, a sinister grin on his face. "You really are a tough cookie to crack girlie."

"I try," Mandy replied. She poured a cup of tea. "Tea?"

"No thanks," Slappy replied. "No stomach."

Mandy shrugged. "I have to say, you're not the most scary thing I've ever seen."

Slappy huffed. "I'm sure, what with hanging around with the Grim Reaper," He said. "I must admit, I'm a tad disappointed. Most kids have wet their pants right now."

"I pride myself on not being most kids," Mandy replied, sipping her tea. "If I was, I promise you I could never have reigned in bonehead."

"I see," replied Slappy, twiddling his thumbs.

"If I may," Mandy said. "I'd like to venture a guess as to what your evil plan was."

"By all means…" he said with interest.

Mandy set down her cup. "To start, it seemed your plan was merely to discredit me, to make me seem like a hopeless prankster with issues. But then you gave yourself away. You had cake on your hands, you disappeared from your case only to reappear with a box of tacks in your hand, and then you were next to the chalkboard with the chalk in your hand. Now, why would you give yourself away so obviously? The only logical answer, because you wanted to. You wanted me to start to think you were behind the whole thing. You wanted me to do this in the hopes I might try to run to the adults and tell them, but only make myself look more crazy. Am I correct so far?"

"On all counts," The dummy replied.

Mandy nodded. "Now of course the question of why seems to come to mind. I might have believed it was out of pure maliciousness you wanted to do this had I never spoken to you face-to-face. Judging from your personality, you want something, something only I can give. I hope you won't mind filling in that gap."

"On the contrary," replied Slappy. "I'd be glad to. What I want is… freedom."

"Freedom?" Mandy asked in disbelief.

"More specifically… your freedom," he said. "As in to take it away from you."

Mandy resumed normal tone. "Threw me off for a moment there. I was afraid this might get sentimental."

"Sentiment makes me vomit," replied Slappy.

"How does one vomit without a stomach?" asked Mandy sarcastically.

"How does the king of nose-picking talk without a brain?" Slappy shot back.

"Touché," Mandy replied. "I hope you realize that you have nothing on me. Your pranks are meant to make me look like a little terror, but what you probably didn't count on is the fact that I terrorize all around me at my leisure anyway." She picked up her cup. "It's my… cup of tea…" she took a sip, "…if you'll forgive the pun. All you're doing is saving me time and energy doing it for myself."

"Oh," said Slappy, "I knew from the start that it wouldn't be that easy. That's why I chose you instead of the boy with the quadruple-XL Snoz."

"What do you mean?" Mandy asked curiously.

"While I was in your possession, it was the idiot-boy who read the spell that animates me, 'Karru marri odonna loma molonu karrano.' However, since he transferred possession from himself to you, I was given the option of tormenting either one of you. I could have chosen him, but I found you to be a more promising challenge."

"I'm flattered," said Mandy._ Should have known Billy was completely to blame for this._ "But if all you have in your arsenal are poor pranks, then we have nothing to say to one another and you may as well leave."

"Oh," said Slappy, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. "I have far more up my sleeves than mere pranks I assure you."

"Such as?" She asked curiously.

"Well," Slappy began confidently. "I do have one that I am particularly fond of in situations like this."

"Really?" Mandy replied, bracing herself.

"Oh yes," he said as his hands gripped the table. "I call it 'child abuse!' And it begins… LIKE THIS!" He threw up the table.

Mandy quickly grabbed the teapot and fell back to avoid getting hit in the face. Slappy lifted the table and stood over her, intending to hit her with it. She threw the teapot at his face and the hot contents spilled over him. The dummy screamed in pain and dropped the table. Mandy took this chance to try and land a punch on him. However, he managed to catch her fist before it could connect.

"Forgot to mention," he said. "No nerve endings either."

Realizing he'd tricked her, Mandy quickly blocked an incoming punch. She gasped in pain. He was strong for a pile of cloth and wood. So strong that he was able to easily toss her into the far wall.

Mandy gasped in pain, but maintained her stern exterior. "Tough little stage prop aren't you?"

"You have no idea," Slappy replied as he leaped at her.

The fight broke into a wrestling match. Mandy tried to overcome the dummy, but Slappy was far stronger than her. Soon, he was on her back, knee on her spine, arms in his grasp, which he tugged.

Mandy screamed in pain as the dummy laughed.

Slappy leaned down and whispered, "When I'm done breaking you, little girl, you'll be begging to be my slave."

"HEY MANDYYYYYYYY!"

They both turned to her bedroom door, there stood Billy with a sandwich in his hands on a platter.

"Mandy!" He shouted. "Can I borrow your mayo?! We're all… gyah!" He suddenly noticed Slappy on her back and moving on his own. He screamed his girly scream. "AAAAAAHHHH! SLAPPY'S ALIVE!" He threw his sandwich over his head and ran away screaming.

"Jeez," said Slappy. "Why do you hang around that idiot? Now where were we? Ah, yes." He tugged again.

Mandy continued to groan in pain. Tears actually began to run down her face.

"I wonder which will give first," said Slappy. "Your will or your spine?" He laughed at his own depraved humor.

Mandy silently replied, _I'd rather be paralyzed than serve this pathetic excuse for a monster._ All that left her mouth were cries of pain.

Slappy continued to laugh. Then came a voice…

"HEY BOZO!!"

He turned to the door again and was surprised at what he saw. Mandy managed to force open an eye and also looked to the door. There stood Billy with a spiked medieval club in his hands. _Billy?_

"GET YOUR STINK'N HAND-CARVED HANDS OFF'A MY BEST FRIEND YOU DANG DIRTY DUMMY!!" Billy ran at the dummy and, with a screeching battle-cry, whacked him!

Slappy broke the window as he flew out of the house and into the yard. His head was cracked and his essence starting to seep out. _Crud,_ he thought,_ I can't let it end like this. Only one way…_ "Onarrak unolom amol annodo irram urrak…" The essence disappeared and he fell limp, a normal dummy again.

Mandy and Billy walked down the stairs and walked outside. They found Slappy in his present state. Billy prodded him with the club.

"I t'ink he's dead," he said.

Mandy looked at Billy. "Thanks to you. Where did you get that club?"

"Grim's room," Billy said proudly.

"Well… thank you," Mandy said reluctantly. "I was beginning to think I was going to snap in two."

"Ah," Billy sighed before hugging her. "I'd never let that happen to you Mandy."

She winced in pain. "Ow! Ow! Back! Careful!"

"Sorry…" Billy said quickly as he let go.

Mandy gently rubbed her back. "I think I'm going to have to sleep on my stomach for a while." She then looked up at Billy again. Her face became nervous suddenly. "W-well, thanks again Billy. I…" she hesitated with the last part, "…I… don't know what I'd have done without you."

"Ah that's okay," Billy replied. "I'm just glad Slappy's dead."

"Yeah," said Mandy. She looked down at him. "Let's keep it that way."

* * *

An hour later, Mandy was in her back yard, placing down the last layer of dirt over the buried dummy. She patted the ground with the shovel and stuck it in. She then walked back to her house. She looked back a moment at the dig site and scoffed. She walked in.

Someone appeared over the moved dirt. Their shadow covered the mound where the dummy was buried. A voice whispered, "Karru marri odonna loma molonu karrano." The figure disappeared.

For a second all was quiet. Then a wooden hand broke through the ground. "Ha ha ha ha ha!"

* * *

AN: Well, I hope people like it. Only the first part of this story. Read and Review!


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